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Sincerely Someone

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How do you overcome fear?

Overcoming fear can be a tough thing to do.

I am not going to lie, there is no real answer to this question. However, there are tools that you can practice that can help you overcome your fears. One thing that you could do when you feel fear coming on, is to try and change the way that you think about the thing that you fear. By exposing yourself to the thing that you may fear, you eventually then train your brain to not be as afraid. Another tool is to try telling yourself that you are capable of getting through any situation. This will not only help you develop skills to overcome your fear, but will help build your self-confidence. Another big thing you should do that will help you develop new skills and have control of your fear, is to challenge yourself to do new things that you’re scared to do. Big or small, if you step out of your comfort zone, even just a little it’s progress. By forming the habit of exposing yourself to something that scares you on a daily basis, you will form the habit of becoming comfortable. This in turn will cause you to start to gain courage for yourself and the things that you may fear to do.

How do you get over a death of a close friend that you weren’t on good terms with before they died?

Death is never an easy subject, especially if it was someone special.

Overall, death is hard. It’s a crappy, saddening place to be and can completely destroy a person, as well as their well being, mindset, and the way that they experience their emotions. Arguments? They suck. In most cases they drain the energy out of you, they make you experience guilt and regret which aren’t the best emotions to feel. Quite truthfully, there is no way to get over a death. There is nothing that will make the truth of the death not be there. The only thing there is, are ways to cope with losing someone. Although there are ways that you can cope, you can try getting involved with therapy, you can talk to people that you’re comfortable with, you can do things that relax you, and you can cry it out. Each person as an individual has their own way(s) of coping with things that hurt, both good or bad. Some need help, and some can manage on their own. As for being on good terms or bad, you cannot blame yourself for anything that your loved one may have gone through and/or experienced. People tend to either place blame on someone else or take the blame upon themselves after a death of someone. It doesn’t help that the blame gets passed around even more when past arguments come up and are re-lived. The thing that is so important to realize is that regardless of what caused the death, there is nothing one can do to save a person. As humans, we learn to cope with the tragic events that life throws at us, but never does one fully get over a death.

I think back on memories from past relationships, both good and bad, and it is not something that I can help. What should I do when I do get them? Why do they affect me the way they do? How do I control my feelings from wandering while recalling the past?

Breathe.

That’s all that you can do. Accept the past for the past. In a relationship, you build. You have created memories, some that maybe you don’t want to remember. There will always be some things that hit you harder than others, but only because you once cared about those more than anything else. Eventually you will learn tools that will help you to be able to control your emotional response to your memories. There might be triggers or certain things that you see and they will automatically bring you back to what once was, but what is now not. While thinking back, you have to be a strong person, and not let them affect you so much. Your feelings may wander, but you have to remember the goods and bads, and why you’re no longer with that person.  

Sincerely,

Someone